Congregation Beth Shalom

Torah Portion: Chayei Sarah
Book of Genesis
Chaps. 23:1-25:18
November 18, 2011

Today, the least talked about subject from synagogue pulpits is interfaith marriage (formerly referred to as “intermarriage”). Noted Jewish historian and demographer, Jack Wertheimer, notes, “Not long ago, a Manhattan rabbi stunned his congregants by informing them that the future of the Jewish people would be secured not through trips to Israel, not through the battle against anti-Semitism, and not through the continued upward mobility of Jews, but in the bedroom. What shocked his sophisticated Upper East Side audience had nothing to do with his allusion to sex; these days, it is perfectly acceptable to speak in public about intimate behavior. What is not permissible in polite Jewish company is an allusion to the decisions people make about their own family lives, or to the impact of those decisions on the ability of the Jewish community to sustain itself.”

The Torah gives a detailed narrative of Abraham’s effort to find the right wife for his son, Isaac. Living in a land dominated by a Canaanite population, Abraham knows the future of God’s promise to make him the father of a great nation rests upon Isaac’s continued commitment to this vision and to his clan. Abraham’s concern is so great that he sends his servant, and not his son, to find the appropriate mate among the members of his brother’s family. He compels his servant to take an oath that he “will not take a wife for [Abraham’s] son from the Canaanites among whom [he] dwells, but will go to the land of [Abraham’s] birth and get a wife for Isaac (Gen. 24:3-4).” Abraham’s concern is not about the worthiness of Canaanite people, but the cultural and spiritual differences that exist.

Before 1965, the intermarriage rate for Jews was 10%. By 1985, a demographic study found the rate to be 52%. What changed during this time? Were Jews less interested in being Jewish? Maybe so, but the years between 1965 and 1985 also marked an increasing acceptance of the Jew as an American. Barriers that previously prevented Jews from living in certain neighborhoods, attending certain schools, practicing medicine in certain hospitals, began to fall. The watershed moment of complete acceptance came in 2000 when an observant Jew (Sen. Joseph Lieberman) was nominated by a major political party to be Vice-president of the United States. Today, a Jew can live anywhere, be a part of any profession, and move freely through American society. With this openness comes increased involvement with the majority non-Jewish culture. In 1965, Jews primarily lived, worked, and socialized within their own parochial community. By 1985, their circles of involvement had greatly increased and, so to, the intermarriage rate.

Why marry a Jew? Jews need Jews to be Jewish. It is difficult enough to build a marriage and raise a healthy family. To complicate it with different belief systems and cultural norms, that too often come into competition with one another, can make difficult almost insurmountable. A number of non-Jewish spouses make the decision to convert, but an even larger number of Jews in an intermarriage decide to “drop out.”

The question we are left with is the same question Abraham had to confront- “Why be Jewish?” Rabbi David Wolpe’s answer to this question is, “Because Judaism can teach us how to deepen our lives, to improve the world, to join with others who have the same lofty aims. Judaism can teach us spiritual and moral mindfulness, a way of living in this world that promotes joy inside of us and also encourages ethical action. But finally, the answer to why be Jewish must reside in the mystery of each seeking soul, trying to find its place with others and with God.”

Rabbi Howard Siegel